We all know that tough times cause stress. We all know that they strain relationships and emotions, and that the emotional toll can spiral quickly out of control. A large number of suicides come from those facing extremely tough situations both financially and emotionally.

Hardships or tough times can come in many forms. Divorce and break-ups, deaths in the family, a loss of a job, and much more. In the case that I am referring to, it is the death spiral in this economy following the loss of a job.

After the loss of a job, and the inability to find another to replace the lost income, the home may come up to the chopping block. Whether you own your home and pay taxes, still pay on the mortgage or rent a property from someone, you feel the burn. Sometimes, in the worst cases, you end up having to move. Hopefully to a place that is cheaper, sometimes in with friends or family.

If you move in with friends and/or family, that can strain the relationships with those people. You may be best friends when not living together, but once under the same roof and having to deal with them 24/7, little things may bug you. Or you could end up knowing them better than you ever wanted to. There really is such a thing as being around people too much. And the rules they set because it is their house, those may be too strict or too lax for your tastes. It really isn't easy living with someone else.

Then there is the subject of negativity and positivity. If the people you are around in your hardest times are not positive, it really makes things that much worse. You have to work twice as hard to stay upbeat and keep that go-get-em attitude. Sometimes, that seems impossible. Sometimes, most of the time in fact, people tend to cave under the negativity and become depressed, bitter, irritable, etc. This isn't healthy for you or your loved ones. They don't deserve to get snapped at or ignored because you're upset.

I have found that in my current situation, my emotions have turned negative whether I wanted them to or not. I lost sight of my goals and just wanted to doggy paddle to keep my head barely above water instead of swimming with my all to get back to shore. It really isn't easy to stay upbeat in bad circumstances, but you have to try. You have to be thankful for every little thing you DO have instead of mourning the loss of the luxury. Letting negative comments and personalities wash over you and away like water off a duck's back is easier than it may sound, but you have to TRY. I have to try! I have to get up each day and smile that I was able to wake up at all, that I took breaths, that I took steps, that the birds are singing a beautiful song. That I have a job, a car, a man who loves me, a daughter who is smart and taken care of. I really need to remind myself daily of all the blessings I DO have and not what I DON'T have.

Things DO get better. I have to believe they will. I didn't tattoo my wrist with the word believe to just let the concept fade away. The tattoo won't fade, neither should my faith in it. Yes, this blog is a sort of pep-talk for myself. Yes, I needed it drastically. I had started snapping at my fiancee and the people who were gracious enough to let us live with them. None of them deserve that. And even though they are negative a lot of the time doesn't mean I need to be. Writing a daily entry in my written journal may help me get the negative out without taking it out on others. And exercise! Walking again will help both my health and my mood, as I need to remind myself daily. So...before bed each day, I will take a walk around the block and write at least one page in my journal. That sounds like a peachy plan to me!


To those that read my ramblings, thank you. For those that choose to be supportive on top of reading, you are so priceless to me.

Things have certainly changed. My roller coaster ride has been, and will continue to be pretty intense. I've come to realize that there is nothing wrong with that. There is only good in these experiences.

Physical changes...my hair is super short and RED. I can't describe how much I love this look for myself. When a hairstyle and color makes you feel more vibrant, more alive, more cheerful, more upbeat....just overall BETTER, you know it's the right one. Not to mention I have gotten more compliments on my current look than any previous one. While I would feel amazing without them, they do boost the self-esteem even more.

I am also recommiting to my health. Testing my blood sugar more often, exercising like I am supposed to, and getting out of unhealthy situations.

I've downloaded RunKeeper app to my phone as well as a pedometer. I also found this awesome program that will help motivate through monetary loss or gain.

The WIP posts obviously took a time out before they began. Though I do plan on getting started on those soon.

I just wanted to kind of update about everything from my writing, the show I am currently obsessed with, what I am reading and my new family member.

First, Pinky seems to be adjusting well. He ate well on Saturday. He has mites now though, which can be quite deadly to snakes and annoying as well. I have plans to go pick up more food for him as well as some mite spray to start treating him. I really hope they don't reinfest too much. I want to keep my boy healthy and alive.

As for my writing, nothing new has come forth. I just don't have the urge to write. Though I should be pushing myself and continuously be looking for inspiration, but I just don't have the drive to do it at the moment. Some might say I am not a true writer or that I don't really want to succeed. That is so far from the truth. I just want it to stay something I love to do rather than push myself into success to the point that it becomes a chore and I don't want to anymore.
The anthology is coming together quite well from what I understand. It is due to be published sometime in March for Women's History Month.

I am still reading Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice. It is slow going because of the shows I keep getting myself stuck on. I need to finish the current one and stay off of Netflix for a while. Haha.

Speaking of the shows I am obsessed with, right now I am in the middle of season two of Lost Girl. While the acting & writing is a bit on the "needs work" side, I still love the idea of the show, and I love the characters Kenzie, Dyson, Trick and Hale. The rest of the characters could really use some work. Also, having a succubus falling in love and trying to be monogamous? Come on people! But Kenzie cracks me up, Trick intrigues me with all of his secrets, and Dyson makes me lick my lips...and I find myself wanting to know more about Hale.

My health...part of me doesn't want to post this part because I really don't want to get a bunch of grief for not taking care of myself. I shall make this brief. I haven't been testing or sticking to my diabetic diet. So shoot me. I am paying my prices....trust me. The water intake is increasing once again and salads have replaced the pastas and pizza rolls in my fridge again. Testing my blood sugar will resume after a full day of proper diet. I know...there are a lot of risks to this kind of behavior. I am fully aware. I just find myself sighing and rolling my eyes at the whole thing. I love food...and it seems like such a travesty to not enjoy the foods you put into your mouth...to be on a constant diet. The energy and lack of pain...and the proper digestion would all be worth it, but for some reason, I find myself struggling. I will do well for a while and then revert. I have to want it...really want it........but I don't yet.

So there you have it. The latest on me. Just getting things off my chest and letting anyone who actually reads this crap all about what has been going on with moi.

Peace <3