I am taking a stab at NaNoWriMo after all. I am pretty late to the party, but I am not too concerned with that. I just want to get the flow of writing started and for some unknown, yet loved reason, I am inspired. Hope this gets your interest piqued and keeps you wanting more. 




ENJOY



The scents hit her before her eyes even opened. Since the aromas were unfamiliar to her, and she obviously wasn’t in her own bed like she was when she fell asleep, she decided to investigate while under the ruse of sleep still. She sniffed slowly and silently, trying to judge what exactly what it was. She picked up hints of bread baking, which made her stomach growl like a traitor. She kept her breathing slow and deep to fool anyone who might be watching her, but her pulse had sped up considerably. The only other scent she could recognize was the scent of apples cooking. From what she could tell, there was cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and sugar involved. Perhaps a pie or tart was being cooked along with the bread.


After a moment of savoring the aromatic air, she switched her concentration to the sounds. There wasn’t a lot to go by. A faint bubbling sound came from what she guessed was a nearby stove. No sounds of movement came, so she slowly opened her eyes. What she saw took her breath away...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-EdCNjumvI

The link above is for the video by Limp Bizkit for the song Gotta Have Faith

There's a lot more to it than just a song by Limp Bizkit. And before anyone says anything, yes I know it was a cover of George Michael's song. I just like Limp Bizkit's version better....


But anyway....back to the subject.

Faith.

It has become a big part of my life lately. I regularly speak with Jesus and God, listen to uplifting Christian music and try to be a much better person than I used to. I have found that praying to God for strength, humility and guidance has helped me greatly. I am not saying that it is the path for everyone, but for myself, it is.

To quote one of my favorite and most inspiring songs I have recently found:

"Well everybody's got a story to tell. And everybody's got a wound to be healed. I wanna believe there's beauty here. Because oh, I get so tired of holding on. I can't let go, I can't move on. I wanna believe there's meaning here. How many times have you heard me cry out God please take this. How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing. Oh I need you. God, I need you now!"  ~Plumb "Need You Now (How Many Times)"

This song really speaks to me so often, and it comes to mind when I see others struggling as well. I listen to it when I need to pray for myself or another. Just last night in fact, there was a reason to listen to it. I really hope the song being played in the other room helped the person who was struggling.

Basically, what I am saying is that I, a person who just months ago claimed paganism as my spiritual calling, is now very much a believer in God and Christ. My heart swells when I talk about how much better I feel and how much He fills me with love and joy so much more than I fill myself with sorrow and fear. I have finally found my true path. And I couldn't be more elated!

My advice to anyone reading this that feels lost is simply this: Search your heart and soul, test all the waters and never do anything that feels wrong to you no matter what those around you say. You may have been raised Catholic and feel confused. That is ok. Even if your family thinks otherwise. You need to find your own true path with whatever deity calls to you. For me, I came back to Christianity (not the church, but the faith) after MANY years away. For some, Atheism is their path...and THAT IS OK! No matter what feels right in your heart, it is YOUR spiritual health, no one else's. Just don't argue when someone prays for you in their own faith. A prayer is a prayer no matter how you look at it. Hoping for another's well-being is never bad. So please, be kind to others if that is their only difference you disagree with. They mean well, even if they aren't praying the way you think they should.

That song also gives me renewed faith in my writing. That first line of the song "Everybody's got a story to tell." For me, that is speaking directly to me. Now if only God would grant me the discipline to stick with it! ;)

We all know that tough times cause stress. We all know that they strain relationships and emotions, and that the emotional toll can spiral quickly out of control. A large number of suicides come from those facing extremely tough situations both financially and emotionally.

Hardships or tough times can come in many forms. Divorce and break-ups, deaths in the family, a loss of a job, and much more. In the case that I am referring to, it is the death spiral in this economy following the loss of a job.

After the loss of a job, and the inability to find another to replace the lost income, the home may come up to the chopping block. Whether you own your home and pay taxes, still pay on the mortgage or rent a property from someone, you feel the burn. Sometimes, in the worst cases, you end up having to move. Hopefully to a place that is cheaper, sometimes in with friends or family.

If you move in with friends and/or family, that can strain the relationships with those people. You may be best friends when not living together, but once under the same roof and having to deal with them 24/7, little things may bug you. Or you could end up knowing them better than you ever wanted to. There really is such a thing as being around people too much. And the rules they set because it is their house, those may be too strict or too lax for your tastes. It really isn't easy living with someone else.

Then there is the subject of negativity and positivity. If the people you are around in your hardest times are not positive, it really makes things that much worse. You have to work twice as hard to stay upbeat and keep that go-get-em attitude. Sometimes, that seems impossible. Sometimes, most of the time in fact, people tend to cave under the negativity and become depressed, bitter, irritable, etc. This isn't healthy for you or your loved ones. They don't deserve to get snapped at or ignored because you're upset.

I have found that in my current situation, my emotions have turned negative whether I wanted them to or not. I lost sight of my goals and just wanted to doggy paddle to keep my head barely above water instead of swimming with my all to get back to shore. It really isn't easy to stay upbeat in bad circumstances, but you have to try. You have to be thankful for every little thing you DO have instead of mourning the loss of the luxury. Letting negative comments and personalities wash over you and away like water off a duck's back is easier than it may sound, but you have to TRY. I have to try! I have to get up each day and smile that I was able to wake up at all, that I took breaths, that I took steps, that the birds are singing a beautiful song. That I have a job, a car, a man who loves me, a daughter who is smart and taken care of. I really need to remind myself daily of all the blessings I DO have and not what I DON'T have.

Things DO get better. I have to believe they will. I didn't tattoo my wrist with the word believe to just let the concept fade away. The tattoo won't fade, neither should my faith in it. Yes, this blog is a sort of pep-talk for myself. Yes, I needed it drastically. I had started snapping at my fiancee and the people who were gracious enough to let us live with them. None of them deserve that. And even though they are negative a lot of the time doesn't mean I need to be. Writing a daily entry in my written journal may help me get the negative out without taking it out on others. And exercise! Walking again will help both my health and my mood, as I need to remind myself daily. So...before bed each day, I will take a walk around the block and write at least one page in my journal. That sounds like a peachy plan to me!


To those that read my ramblings, thank you. For those that choose to be supportive on top of reading, you are so priceless to me.

I have recently started reading a new genre and I am loving it.

Steampunk!!

The first book I am reading within the genre is a steampunk supernatural romance. Vampirism is a virus, as is lycanthropy. Steam cabs, clockwork and steam powered drones, petticoats, hooks for limbs...
I love the world that is steampunk literature. After looking into it further, Jules Verne was a steampunk author. This excites me. I want to read so much more of this genre and get to know the culture further and make my own attempt at a short story or two.
Victorian era meets modern day? Yes, please!!!

...is what my wrist says now, and it is what I need reminded of daily....sometimes more than once a day.

There are so many things to believe in really. To be happy and succeed, one must believe in their abilities and all that jazz. When things go poorly, one must believe that things will improve; that they HAVE to. Believing in the good of mankind is also a must. People are inherently good, their circumstances and environment turning things sour. Bad tends to snowball. So does good. 

I also believe in the power of positive thought, and the power of sheer willpower. 

If you stop believing in the good, you stop getting it. Now I can look down at my arm and remember this. 

Considering I attempted suicide 11 years ago, and have since stopped therapy and medication...and have not wanted to harm myself for over 6 years now...I think I am doing really damn good with believing in myself. 

Don't ever lose hope. I know that is easier said than done, but life WILL improve. It simply has to.